Just Powers

Emma and Will playing together. It was sheer luck that I turned around at the very moment they were playing and even better luck that the Flip camera was within arm’s reach.

I am hoping that moments like this will outweigh moments like the one tonight where Emma sat on her brother and earned a time out in the process. Didn’t get that one on video. Sorry.

I discovered something important about myself last week. I hate bath time.

I thought I liked it. I thought it was fun and relaxing and a great way to keep the kids occupied for a half an hour or so, while getting them clean at the same time - what a bargain!

Nope. Bath time at my house has turned into my worst nightmare. The ten month-old flaps his arms in joy as he lunges and lurches and nearly drowns every ten seconds or so. And the three year-old, oh the three year-old…she has discovered that bath time is the perfect opportunity to really REALLY push my buttons, and that I am mostly powerless to stop her.

The game starts when she first steps into the tub and refuses to sit down. She lingers, standing in the tub, pretending she can’t hear my requests to “sit flat”. Finally, when I up the ante and it becomes “sit flat or you are getting out” she sits.

Then the splashing begins. It starts out pretty sweet really, just little splashes, the kind you might watch with joy as you think about how fun bath time is for the pre-school crowd. But soon the tiny flicks of water turn into bigger splashes, whole hand splashes, and they start to find their way OUT of the tub.

That is when I realize I have already lost. I try desperately to regain control of the bath, threatening and cajoling her - as I clutch my youngest by his upper arm to keep him from going under. But my three year-old just looks at me with a glint in her eye, she is having too too much fun now, and there is no going back.

Soon she is doing full body seated leaps - throwing her entire self into the air from a sitting position and landing in the water with as much force as she can muster, sending water everywhere and drenching me and the bathroom in the process. At this point I am usually completely hysterical as I systematically remove all privileges and finally threaten that she will not be allowed to attend the senior prom if she doesn’t KNOCK IT OFF RIGHT NOW.

Usually it is around this time that the boy looks at me, then at his sister, and with a huge grin on his face, begins to copy her. And that is when, depending on the day, I either surrender and pull the shower curtain closed to preserve the patch of dry still on my clothing, letting them splash to their hearts content, or I put an end to my torture and pull them both out of the bath.

Next time, showers for us all.

Emma turned three years old today.

It’s hard to know what to write really. She amazes, delights and frustrates us every moment of every day.

Last week she picked up a towel we were using as a door mat by the front door to soak up rain and mud. Mike asked her three or four times to put it down. She ignored him and instead shook it, spreading dirt and leaves all over the living room. Mike was understandably, um, annoyed and in a stern voice reprimanded her for not listening. She continued to ignore him, making him more and more mad, until she finally said in the calmest, sweetest and most sincere voice “Ok Daddy, I’ll stop. I was just being a goofball.” I looked up at Mike, who had been fuming, and we both had to stifle a laugh.

Out of nowhere the other day she said to me “Do you know what I want to talk about? I want to talk about a short nap. I want to take a short nap so I can watch Dinosaur Train.” Dinosaur Train replaced Thomas the Tank Engine this fall as her favorite show on television and she is rewarded with being able to watch 30 minutes of it after she takes her nap. This was a deal we struck recently after weeks of her refusing to take a nap left her weepy and whining by 5:00 PM every day. When Emma is weepy and whining, mommy is weepy and whining, so something had to be done. Dinosaur Train to the rescue!

Some of our favorite Emma-isms at the moment:

What is happolling? (happening)

It is so much bun. (fun)

Where’s the mokinintrol? (remote control, of course)

No bones at the table Daddy. (phones)

Things she loves:

Dancing - one day I took her to the mall and as soon as we walked in the doors and she heard the music playing overhead she started to spontaneously dance with joy. She especially loves to put on a princess (see below) dress and talk one of us into dancing with her to “I Could’ve Danced All Night.” I guess one of these days we should formalize her dancing and get her into lessons, but for now we are enjoying her enthusiasm and passion.

Reading - this girl loves books. And she loves “snuggling on the couch” and reading together. I think that started last year when I was on bedrest and I couldn’t do much else with her. However it started, it is a habit I am happy we got into.

Macaroni and cheese - I am pretty sure she would eat mac and cheese for every meal if I would let her. I used to be able to get her to eat homemade mac and cheese and could even sneak a little butternut squash in the recipe every once in a while to make sure she got her veggies for the day. A few months ago she informed me she liked the yellow kind and now will only eat boxed mac and cheese with nary a squash in site. *Sigh* The biggest problem with the Kraft mac and cheese of course is that Mike and I have to eat it with her sometimes - like for her third birthday dinner for example.

People - Emma loves to be with people. We have been working hard lately at getting William on a regular nap schedule, hoping it will help him sleep through the night. Unfortunately this means we are housebound from about 9-11 in the morning and 1-3 in the afternoon while he naps. The other day we went to an open gym session at a local gymnastics center and when we left and I told Emma we were going home she became almost inconsolable, crying to me that she didn’t want to go home, that she loved being out and doing ‘bings” and that she wanted to play with someone. It just about broke my heart and made me realize how bored she must be, home with me so much of the time. This is the challenge of having two I guess - figuring out who needs what, and how on earth you can give it to them. Something to work on I suppose.

Her bear-bear - this is a pretty sad looking little white bear head on a piece of white blanket lined with yellow satin. It was the thing she chose a long time ago to be her comfort object, especially at bedtime. When we realized she had chosen it, we ran out to Toys R Us and bought two more. Now she rotates between the three, switching them only when I am able to sneak the used one out for a freshly washed one. Every once in a while she will find one in the wash and grab it, laughing as she says “two bear-bears!!” She doesn’t suck her thumb and was never very interested in pacifiers, but I don’t really know what she would do without “sumping to chew on” as she says when she is asking for her bear.

Waffles - Eats ‘em every day. Eggo Nutrigrain waffles. She can get them out of the freezer, out of the package and into the toaster before I have even poured my first cup of coffee. If she could reach the syrup on the top shelf her father and I could probably stay in bed and get a little extra shut-eye.

Dinosaurs, Rocket Ships and Princesses - Thanks to Dinosaur Train Emma can tell you about all sorts of dinosaurs that I had never even heard of prior to about three months ago. She has decided her favorite is Tyrannosaurus Rex, and she loves to talk about Giganotosaurus, Deinonychus and Ornithomimus - but that Spinosaurus scares the heck out of her.

She was an astronaut for Halloween this year and as part of the lead up to that we got a couple of books about space out of the library. The books were far far too old for her but they had some good pictures so I got them. She was fascinated with the space shuttle, the training the astronauts go through and especially the pictures of the moon landing. She started planning a trip to the moon and asked me if she could wear her sparkly shoes when she went. I told her of course she could, and asked when she was planning on going. She told me when she was six and a big girl. Once Halloween was over we thought she might stop talking about rocket ships and astronauts, but much to our delight she is as interested as ever.

And what three year old girl living in America isn’t obsessed with princesses - Disney or otherwise? I loved princesses as much as the next girl when I was growing up - my favorite thing to wear when I was four was a “long dress” so I could twirl and dance around - but I am far from being the princess type now. Upon learning I was having a girl, I am pretty sure one of my first thoughts was, oh Lordy, please don’t let my kid be obsessed with princesses. Obviously I realize now that I would passionately adore my daughter no matter what she was obsessed with, but I have to say that the dinosaurs and rocket ships make the princesses much more palatable, even enjoyable, for me.

That’s our girl in a nutshell. She is spunky and determined and musical and challenging and sweet and passionate and loving and we are having more fun watching her grow than we ever imagined we could have.

Happy Birthday sweetie. We love you.

Will turned eight months old a few days ago. True-to-form for me this second time around I missed his seventh month update completely and am now late for his eighth.

To be fair, I was a little sleep deprived during his seventh month. It has been a rough couple of months here, with Will getting up every 2-3 hours most nights. You may remember that prior to about six months he was sleeping 8-9 hours at a stretch and I was rejoicing about what a great sleeper I had on my hands. When his sleep was starting to get a little disrupted at six months I think I might even have said something like “I would rather be up all night long with Will than deal with a cranky sleep deprived Emma in the morning.” How foolish.

When he started waking up all the time, we blamed his teeth. Then we blamed ourselves, perseverating over the mistakes we had made with regards to his sleep - nursing him till he was asleep, not putting him in his crib awake, bringing him to our bed too often, not letting him cry enough. Then we got tired of blaming ourselves and went back to blaming his teeth. Despite what the experts say about teeth NOT being as big a problem as most parents claim, I am here to tell you that those experts are, well, wrong. Way wrong. Totally. Wrong.

As I did with Emma at around the same age, I have obsessed about William’s sleep and convinced myself that he was ruined for life, that he would never sleep, and that I would be getting up to feed him every couple of hours when he was in college.

Sleep is a funny thing. When you are exhausted and sleep deprived at 3 am you will do anything to get that kid back to sleep. When the morning comes, you curse yourself for giving in, but in reality what exactly could have been done differently? Letting him cry for two hours just makes us all crazy and wakes up Emma, so what is the use of that? Especially if at the end of two hours, when nothing has calmed him down, we end up bringing him to bed anyway?

After almost two months of getting up three to four times a night, we finally turned to our pediatrician, who confirmed that it could be his teeth, that letting him cry for two hours was pretty useless, that we weren’t ruining him for life by nursing him or bringing him to bed, and gave us a book to help us along.

In the end Mike has had to be the one involved with Will at night, going in to him when he woke up and trying to soothe him back to sleep. It has taken weeks, and it is still a work in progress, but we are getting more good nights than bad these days.

In other Will news, he is *this* close to crawling. He started rocking back and forth on his knees about three weeks ago and now moves backwards with great enthusiasm, although he gets really really mad when he realizes he is not actually moving in the direction he wants. He can sit up completely on his own, and can flop over onto his belly when he wants to - but is still working on getting back into a sitting position from lying down. He loves to stand, but isn’t too solid yet and still needs someone to hold him up. Of course it might be the wild excited flailing he does that is causing him to be a little unsteady on his feet. When he gets excited while he is lying down, he flails both arms and both legs in unison - slamming all four of them down with great enthusiasm. This is great fun during a diaper change.

Yesterday he discovered - or maybe I discovered it - that he can wave. He looked at me across the room, got a big smile on his face and lifted his hand in the air. When I waved back he looked a little shocked and then smiled and waved even more. When he picks up a toy he holds it in his fingers and twists his hand back and forth at the wrist as he peers at it - it’s one of my favorite things ever.

He eats peas, carrots, butternut squash, sweet potatoes, pears and applesauce three times a day and has started drinking water out of sippy cups. For some reason watching other people drink is the funniest thing ever to him - he will watch us take a sip of something and break out into a huge grin.

Will took his first trip on a plane in October, to visit his Grammy and Grampy in Massachusetts, but other than that has stayed pretty close to home as we work on getting a nap schedule established and tackle the night time sleeping issue.

He remains amazingly mellow and sweet, and loves nothing more than to just sit and watch all of us as we make faces at him or sing to him or wave to him. He and Emma are starting to interact more and more, and when they aren’t interacting, he watches her curiously which she loves.

We love you Will - but just keep sleeping ok?

I had a conversation with a Park Mom recently that left me a little annoyed.

Park Mom: Is he sleeping through the night? (referring to William)
Me: No. We co-slept with him until he was about 4 months old and he…
PM: (looking horrified) Co-slept? Like in the same BED?
Me: Yeah.
PM: Ugh.

Now, here’s the thing, I know that co-sleeping isn’t for everyone. I understand that there are those who would never ever bring their child into their bed, for whatever reason. And that’s ok. I have no interest in convincing anyone that co-sleeping is the only way to go, because it isn’t. And in the end, I don’t really care. Not “don’t really care” in a hostile sense, just “don’t really care” in the sense that I know that every family is going to do what works for them, and they should.

Park Mom, on the other hand, seemed to really care where my child spent his first four months of life. She didn’t bother to ask me about it, how we did it (with this), why we made the choice to co-sleep or why we were stopping. She just decided it was a bad idea and judged me for it.

I think the reason this exchange irked me so much is that if there is one thing I have learned as a parent is that we are all doing the best we can. We all make different choices, but we are making our choices based on what is best for us and our children. With that in mind, it seems ridiculous to me to judge any other parent for the choices they make. As ridiculous as judging someone for the color of car they choose or the breed of dog they have.

I’m far from perfect. I am pretty opinionated, generally think my way is the best way and am probably way more judgmental than I need to be about a lot of things. For some reason though, when it comes to parenting, I feel pretty strongly that different rules apply. With the exception of some clearly poor choices (schtupping your nanny while the kids are in the house with you comes to mind) I think most of us need to be left alone for the child-rearing decisions we make. I mean, I can barely figure out what is the best way for my family, let alone other people’s. Parent and let parent I say.

So, go easy Park Mom. I won’t tell you how to raise your kids if you don’t tell me how to raise mine. K?

Ok, so just between you and me, I am losing my mind. Dealing with a two and a half year old day in and day out is taking its toll on me. From the first whine in the morning to the final negotiation at night I am constantly on edge, waiting for the next meltdown, trying to figure out the best way through the morass of emotions that is my child these days.

So far my strategy has been brute force. I set limits, I give time outs, I count to three and I yell. I yell way too much. And at the end of the day my head hurts and I am cranky and exhausted. And then it starts all over again.

Something has to give. I can’t keep going like this, and surely it isn’t doing her any good.

So as of today I am trying a different strategy. No more yelling. I’m going to kill her with kindness. I’m going zen on her butt.

I will be like Buddha himself, calm, wise and thoughtful. When she resists, whines and challenges me, I will be like water instead of a brick wall and will bend her to my will gently. I will still use timeouts and limits, but I will do it without yelling.

I figure at the very least my head won’t be pounding as hard at the end of the day and maybe, just maybe, she will be so caught off guard by my new affect that she will forget to whine about what I am saying. I’m not counting on it though. I just need my blood pressure to go down a couple points, and in the end life is just too short to be so cranky all the time.

I’ll let you know how it goes.

You know how when you are driving somewhere for the first time it seems to take forever? You are completely fixated on the directions and making sure you don’t miss a turn, and the trip seems to take a really long time? Then, on your way home, the trip seems to go so much faster? You sort of know the way now and can look around a little bit, and you aren’t so worried about making a wrong turn.

That is how it has been for me having two kids. Maybe it is because I am not as worried about the milestones this time, or maybe it is that I simply don’t have time to worry about them, but these six months with Will have completely flown by. Every time something milestone-y happens I think to myself, “Wow, are we there already? He’s already rolling over? Wasn’t he just born for gosh sake?”

Will is, in fact, rolling over these days. Lots and lots. Way more than Emma ever did. She did it once and was all “Ok, did that. What now?” and hardly ever did it again. In contrast, Will seems to be thinking “Are you KIDDING me? I can DO that? Rock on.”

He is huge. HUGE. I know I say that in every update about him, and we don’t have six month measurements yet, so my evidence is merely anecdotal, but believe me. Huge. We just bought a new car seat for Emma, so that Will can start using hers, because we are pretty darn sure that when we have him weighed in two weeks he going to come very very close to the 22 pound weight limit for his current seat. I will keep you posted.

Which actually brings up a question for me - what exactly do you do with a non-walking, not- quite-sitting-up-on- his-own infant who no longer fits in his infant carrier? Where do you stash him when you need a few extra minutes to do something before you leave the house? Emma didn’t outgrow her infant carrier until after she was walking, making transporting her oh-so-convenient. Right now I nurse him, put him in his car seat, he falls asleep, I get ready to go, I carry him to the car and he keeps sleeping. Once I don’t have the handy dandy infant carrier, where exactly do I put him in the morning before we leave, when I still have a million things to do so we CAN leave? If anyone has an answer please let me know. Otherwise I will just have to let you know what we come up with. Maybe a strategically placed bungee cord…?

But I digress. Will! He is very active and continues to be very strong. I can definitely see that in the months ahead, as he becomes more mobile, I am going to have to keep a very close eye on him. He is just beginning to sit up on his own. I stay close by to spot him but he can stay sitting for a good minute or so before he teeters to one side or another. He hasn’t started crawling or even scooting, but he is happier during tummy time these days than he ever has been. Of course, the rolling makes it much more interesting.

He loves to smile and has become a huge flirt when we are out, batting his spidery lashes and flashing a full-face smile at anyone who stops and talks to him. We recently started him on solid foods and he seems to have gotten the hang of eating pretty quickly. He loves apple sauce, as well as rice cereal and peas, as long as there is plenty of apple sauce mixed in.

His sleeping patterns have been a little wacky. He went from seriously considering sleeping through the night a month ago to being up every two hours. Prior to a few weeks ago he was sleeping 6-8 hours between feedings and twice went for 12 hours before waking up. His pattern these days seems to be about four hours between wakings, although in the last week or two there have been a few nights (far too many) where he is up just about every two hours. We have been successful at transitioning him into his crib though. Baby steps I guess.

It is interesting to note that we had similar issues with Emma when she was the same age. We have never been the “cry it out” types, even though we made a valiant effort with Emma, plus we now have a slumbering pre-schooler to think of, something which was not a factor when we were trying to get Emma to sleep. I would rather be up all night long with Will than deal with a cranky sleep deprived Emma in the morning.

I am going to talk to the doctor about this sleep thing when we see her in two weeks. My second-time-around mommy instinct is telling me though that this is nothing to get too worried about, that he will be sleeping through the night solidly by the time he is eight months old, just like Emma was, and that someday, probably not too far in the future, I will be wishing for the nights when I got a few extra minutes to snuggle with him in the quiet dark.

Will’s basic attitude these days seems to be one of sheer wonder. He approaches the world with a jovial curiosity and is delighted by most of what he encounters. Almost as much as those of us around him are delighted by our encounters with him.

Buddha apparently once said:

There are these four ways of answering questions. Which four? There are questions that should be answered categorically [straightforwardly yes, no, this, that]. There are questions that should be answered with an analytical (qualified) answer [defining or redefining the terms]. There are questions that should be answered with a counter-question. There are questions that should be put aside. These are the four ways of answering questions.

Emma is full of questions these days. No, I mean REALLY full of questions. As in, asking questions all the time. To the point that I am often left literally speechless. And most of her questions are the tough kind, the ones that according to Buddha should be answered with an analytical answer. No yes or no questions for my girl.

Here is the conversation we had this morning while driving:

Emma: We are behind a truck.
Me: Yes, we are behind a truck.
Emma: Why are we behind a truck?
Me: Um, because the truck is in front of us. But I am going to stop being behind the truck now.
Emma: Why are you going to stop being behind the truck?
Me: Because when we are behind a truck I can’t see anything. Except right now there is a lot of traffic, so it is hard for me to get into the next lane (cursing softly under my breath at the jackass who won’t let me in.)
Emma: Why is it hard for you to get in the lane?
Me: Because there is a lot of traffic.
Emma: Why is there a lot of traffic?
Me: Because there are a lot of cars.
Emma: Why are there a lot of cars?
Me: Because there are a lot of people going places, like school or work or running errands like we are.
Emma: There are a lot of people going to school or work?
Me: Yep.
Emma: Why are a lot of people going to school or work?
Me: (CRAP.) Um, because people have to go places, just like we do.
Emma: But why do they have to go places?
Me: I don’t know honey, they just do.

You get the idea. It is exhausting. You are probably exhausted just reading it right? That conversation went on until we reached our destination, at least 7-10 minutes later.

Obviously the questions have a strong purpose. She is trying to get to the bottom of things, to make sense of her world. And that is awesome. She is growing and learning and becoming such a strong, smart, questioning little person. I love it.

I am just not sure I am up to the task…

Someone needs to open an animal shelter for beloved pets who have been somewhat replaced by human babies. No doubt I am going to upset several of you with this post - so you might want to stop reading now.

I bring this up because, ahem, we have four animals in our house - two cats and two dogs - which means with our recent human addition we are now, finally, at a 1:1 animal/human ratio. We love our animals. All of them - Moose, Skye, Barkley and Xena Warrior Princess (you have to use her full name or she gets cranky. Actually she’s cranky all the time so never mind.) We love them, but, as so often happens in households with new babies, they have become low-creatures on the totem pole, out of sheer necessity.

I would say the needs of the individuals in our household break down like this: Emma, William, Mike, Jen, Barkley, Moose, Skye, and Xena. You see the problem. By the time Mike and Jen have met the needs of Emma and Will, there is already a dearth of energy leftover to meet our own needs, let alone to meet the needs of the animals. Which means the animals get the seriously short end of the stick and we harbor major guilt over their less than stellar care.

I think our cats and dogs are never more happy than we go away and a pet sitter comes and stays with them. They get nothing but love and attention for days at a time, and maybe even a walk or two.

I know we can’t be the only former animal lovers turned newish parents in this predicament. The bottom line is that we love our animals but we also know they could be happier elsewhere. We have discussed finding other homes for them - homes where they will be loved and cherished in the manner they are (or were) accustomed. But the energy required even for that is more than we have available these days. So just keep pushing forward - all of us miserable.

We would never drop them at the SPCA, but a “We love you and know you deserve better” shelter, now that we could do. Someplace where someone loved them like our pet sitters love them. Where we knew they would be safe and happy and cherished. Like a long term doggy day care. Except free. Someplace that would take the time to find a great home for them, our former babies.

Alternatively, if any of my kind and gentle readers would like to adopt one or more of my furry companions, do not hesitate to let me know.

Ok, catching up:

Two weeks ago, getting ready to go to Bethany Beach, our big vacation of the summer, Emma gets strep. Luckily we catch it in time to have it cleared up by the beach. Phew.

Day before we are leaving for the beach, I wake up with a sore throat, Will seems unhappy, and Mike has been sick, so we all go for a strep test. Mike is positive, yuck…but yaay for antibiotics! Will and I are negative, which would seem at first glance to be a good thing, except, as I have just pointed out, where there is strep, there are drugs. No strep, no drugs. Grr.

I get worse on the day we go to the beach and our second day there I lose my voice and and am just generally miserable. Ditto for Will (except he doesn’t lose his voice, since really, he doesn’t have much of one yet). I stick with Tylenol for meds since I am still nursing. The jury is still out for me on whether I would rather be sick at the beach or at home. And let me point out, there is little in the world that is more frustrating or challenging than dealing with a two year old when you can’t speak (or yell).

Great week at the beach though: sandcastle dolphins (photos to come), Funland at Rehobeth, bonfire on the beach, flying kites, lots of pool time. Towards the end I am starting to slowly feel a little better and Will seems to be recovering too.

We leave to come home, have one of the most hellish car trips I have had in many many years (maybe ever?) Tons of traffic, screaming and tantrums. And that was just Mike and me. Finally make it home, start to unpack, and my throat starts to hurt. Again.

I get ANOTHER horrible cold, lose my voice again and spend the next 9 days wondering if I should go to the doctor. Being the borderline hypochondriac that I am, I begin to think I am seriously ill - H1N1, mono or a brain tumor all cross my mind. The sane part of me understands that since there is no fever, it is highly unlikely that any of these ailments are to blame. However, when I wake up on my 18th day of being sick feeling just as bad as I felt on my first day of being sick, I decide to go to the doctor.

She informs me apologetically that my ears are clear, my lungs are clear and there isn’t much she can do for me (and also, no fever so no H1N1 or mono. I decide against asking about the brain tumor). She does tell me I can safely take Benadryl and use a neti pot while nursing. She tells me to do both and to try and get some rest. Heh.

Which brings me to today. After Benadryl last night I am feeling slightly better and the neti pot treatments seem to help too. Rest remains elusive, but hopefully I am on the mend.

I am hoping for a couple weeks in here with no sickness before Emma starts school in September. So, no offense, but if you are coming to my house and you are sick, have been sick, or know someone who is sick, just stay home ok? We can always skype…