Just Powers

We went to the Boston Children’s Museum today and had a great time, except it meant William missed his morning nap. So he got in a few extra zzz’s at lunch.

AFSCME Convention 2010, originally uploaded by Justpowers.

Our family is in Boston this week for the 2010 AFSCME Convention. Well, Mike is in Boston for it, we are just along for the ride, enjoying the adventure of a new city, seeing old friends and hanging out with Grammy and Grampy.

Traveling is always a mix of fun and stress, especially when kids are involved. So far we have had far more fun than stress. This picture was taken in our first few minutes in our hotel room that has an amazing view of Boston Harbor. It is incredibly similar to the photo I took of Emma in our hotel room at the 2008 AFSCME Convention in San Francisco.

We have already seen the Swan Boats and the Make Way for Duckling statues, hung out in Boston Common and had lunch at Faneuil Hall. We are here till Friday, with big plans to storm the museums - Children’s, Science, and the Aquarium - with a boat ride and trip to the Harbor Islands somewhere in there. Oh and a little train named Thomas happens to be visiting the Boston suburbs this week too, so we will also be making a trip out there to visit with him.

We are going to be wrecked when we finally get home. Wrecked but happy and with lots of stories to tell.

We bought a minivan a few weeks ago. I have to admit that I was not prepared for the level of emotion I experienced after the purchase.

I was never one of those people who vowed I would never own a minivan. In high school my family had a white Dodge Grand Caravan with wood paneling, and I loved it - the size, the myriad of places to stash things, the fact that I could sit in the third row far from my siblings. I always kind of assumed that I would own a minivan someday. When we bought the Mazda 5, classified as a “microvan” by some, it was a tiny step in that direction, what with the sliding doors and third row of seats. The Mazda was different enough though that I felt special in it - it had sliding doors sure, but it also had Zoom-Zoom and a sunroof. People stopped us to ask us about it and we loved to tell them. I was a rock star in my cute little red Mazda and no one could tell me any different.

When the Mazda got totaled, however, we had to replace it with something and it seemed to make sense to replace with something that was newer, more reliable, had more space and ended up being substantially cheaper for us each month, so we decided on a silver 2009 Toyota Sienna.

For a week after we bought it, I will not lie to you, we thought we had made a terrible terrible mistake. I will go so far as to say I was downright depressed about our purchase. I was no longer a rock star, I didn’t have any zoom-zoom, and no one stopped me to ask about my cute little car. Emma started saying “I just saw another silver mini-van! Mommy, why are there so many silver mini-vans?” and I wanted to cry.

When you are a stay-at-home mom who lives in the suburbs and cares for small children all day, it turns out your car plays a pretty vital part in shaping the identity you create for yourself. I hadn’t realized this when we had the Mazda, but once we had the same car everyone else has, it became clear that the car had become my identity. And I didn’t really like who I had become. In the Mazda I was cute, different, agile and downright sexy. In the Toyota I was big and cumbersome, not to mention boring, practically invisible, and definitely NOT sexy.

I am feeling better about the purchase now. The Sienna is comfortable, it gets us from point A to point B safely and it seats eight with room left over for the stroller, the bikes, stadium chairs, a kitchenette and a porta-potty (ok, a kitchenette doesn’t really fit, but if we put the back seats down it almost might.) It isn’t sexy but in the end I know we made the right choice for all the reasons we decided on it in the first place. Someday, all too soon, I won’t need all this space and then I will buy something tiny and zippy that decries my age. But as I drive it off the lot I will probably be jealous of all the young families in their generic mini-vans driving on the road with me.

Today is my grandmother’s 90th birthday. It’s kind of ironic that her 90th birthday falls on Memorial Day this year, since she spent her life as an Army wife. This is a letter I wrote in celebration of her birthday, as part of a family book of memories that was put together for the occasion. She is an amazing woman.

Mommy-Dee, you have been my grandmother for almost 40 years and a great-grandmother to my children for almost four. So much of who you are and what you have done for me has helped me be the mother I am and the grandmother I hope to become.

Here are some of the things I have learned from you -

• Save empty pot pie tins, grandchildren love to play with them at the beach.
• For the optimal happiness of their grandchildren, grandparents really should own a boat. This boat should be named after the aforementioned grandchildren, and should be used regularly for cocktail hour where cheese and crackers and ginger ale are served.
• Scrambled eggs are best when made with Crazy Jane’s Mixed Up Salt and when served on Fiesta Ware.
• The best grandmothers have chalk boards hanging in their kitchens so that they can play tic tac toe with their grandchildren. Of course they will also need a really cool folding step stool so their grandchildren can REACH the chalk board.
• Cuckoo clocks provide hours of entertainment for grandchildren who are obsessed with watching the cuckoo pop out to say hello.
• Silver tinsel icicles make Christmas trees seem magical to grandchildren.
• Oreos are best when stored in the freezer.
• Hummingbird feeders provide a similar level of entertainment for grandchildren as cuckoo clocks. Being able to sit six feet away while a hummingbird eats the red nectar from a feeder is just about the coolest thing a child will experience. Ever.
• Good grandparents are always prepared for their children and grandchildren to need a place to stay. Having pink satin blankets on the beds makes female grandchildren feel like princesses.
• Taking grandchildren out for some special one-on-one time to celebrate their birthday is always a great way to show your love. Movies like “Watership Down” are always a big hit and may also influence a grandchild’s future taste in books and movies.
• Bringing your grandchildren to watch fireworks over Washington DC from the rooftop of the Museum of American History is one of the best experiences they will have (right up there with the hummingbirds.)
• Grandchildren love to hear their friends and co-workers tell them how beautiful and full of class their grandmother is. Especially when it is so true.
• Always be available to be interviewed for class projects by your grandchildren. Be sure to tell them what it was like to live though the Great Depression. It will amaze them.
• When your adult granddaughter is on bed rest during pregnancy, bring her meals every couple of weeks. It will nourish her in ways you can’t imagine.
• Make it a point to be there for your grandchildren in whatever way they might need.
• Give. Give, give, give to your grandchildren. They will love you for it.
• Always treat your grandchildren with the love and respect they deserve, they will never forget it.

On your 90th birthday I would like to take the opportunity to thank you from the bottom of my heart, Mommy-Dee, for all that you have done and continue to do for your entire family - your children, your grandchildren and your great-grandchildren.

I love you very very much.

xoxo
jen

What a week THAT was.

Last Tuesday we put Moose, our sweet Jack Russell Terrier, to sleep. He was diagnosed with cancer a while ago and had long outlived the 2-4 months predicted by the doctors. We knew he wouldn’t last forever though, and last week he went downhill very quickly and we had to make the heartbreaking decision to end his pain.

We told Emma on Tuesday morning that he would probably die soon, thinking it would be a few days and wanting to give her some time to sit with it. By lunch it became clear that it would have to be that day, so I explained to Emma that we would be taking Moose to the doctor to see if she could make him feel better, but that she might not be able to and he might die. I encouraged her to give him lots of gentle hugs and kisses and to say goodbye to him. I found her later, sitting on the floor next to Moose with a hand on his head, singing softly to him.

Mike and I took the kids to a friend’s house and took Moose to the vet. Just on general principal he hated going to the vet, and fought the sedative the entire time, like any self-respecting Jack Russell would, but we were right there with him till the end, kissing and hugging him through our tears.

We struggled through the next couple of days, trying to give Emma the information she asked for in ways she could understand (which, you know, ugh. How do you explain something you barely understand yourself? Death is so weird - one minute you are here, the next you are gone. Blech. When I was searching online for ways to talk to Emma about the whole thing, I came across a discussion where someone wrote “Just be sure to tell your child the truth. That the dog went to doggie heaven and…” Sorry, WHAT? Doggie HEAVEN is the truth?? I mean, I don’t really know what the truth IS - except that his body stopped working - but I am pretty darn sure what the truth ISN’T. If romping in the clouds and eating bonbons is what you really think happens after your heart stops, rock on with your bad self. Last I checked though, heaven sure as heck wasn’t a scientifically proven theory thereby making it THE TRUTH about what happens after we die. We haven’t entirely ruled out a discussion about heaven as one option about what might happen after something or someone dies, but we sure won’t be presenting it as THE TRUTH. Hmph. But I digress. /rant)

Then, in the middle of processing the loss of Moose and where and why he had gone, we got into a car accident. It was on Thursday, on our way home from the grocery store, but before going to Emma’s school. It wasn’t a little rear-end-the-person-in-front-of-you-while-waiting-at-the-light type of accident, nor was it a multiple-ambulance-and-fire-engine type of accident (thankfully) but it was really really scary and it did do a lot of damage to our car. We were all fine, but the woman who hit us - as she was turning left across our lanes of traffic, apparently not SEEING us in the middle of the road (perhaps she was pondering the truthiness of heaven?) - hit us on the driver’s side. I, as you probably guessed, was sitting on the driver’s side of the car, and so was Emma. I don’t know if she was more freaked out by the large green (blue?) vehicle hurtling toward her or the incoherent screams coming from her mother, but whatever the reason, she was not happy.

We relied on lots of kindness from lots of non-strangers and were able to not only get our groceries home and put away before the ice cream melted, but were able to get Emma to school (the power of routine is not to be underestimated in a preschooler’s life) and all of us to the rental car place later that day. We found out the next day that the estimate for the repairs on the car is $12,000 - yes THOUSAND - making me feel incredibly lucky that we walked away unharmed. (But feeling a bit sad for my little Mazda 5 that so gallantly protected us. I love that car.)

It turns out that one way to help a three year old stop thinking about the death of her dog is to get into a car accident with her in the car. Instead of hearing “Moose died” over and over, I now hear “Mama, drive slowly ok? We don’t want to get into another accident.” Instead of asking “where is Moose?” she now asks “why did that lady break our car?”

We are all dealing with the stress of last week in our own way. Emma has shown some classic regression in response to it all - talking in baby talk, asking us to carry her because she is a baby and can’t walk, getting weepy and sad for what seems like no reason, being super clingy - all pretty textbook really. We have tried to give her extra patience and love to help her through it.

I have spent the last few days marveling at how quickly Moose was gone and how quickly the accident happened, leading me to realize how quickly life can change with no notice whatsoever. I have also spent the last few days driving below the speed limit and watching every car for any sign it is changing course. The accident scared me, and I don’t like being scared.

Eventually Emma will move back in the direction of full independence and I will become more zen about life and its fluidity (and will hopefully be able to drive without freaking out about it.) In the meantime, we are all trying to be extra gentle with each other and are trying not to spend too much time on Jack Russell Terrier rescue sites.

Back when I was single and child free, I was pretty organized and relatively neat. Now? Well, let’s just say, I am not. I live in a constant state of panic over the clutter and mess that is my home, wondering when I will ever have enough time to get on top of it, or stay on top of it.

Despite this, there are a few organizing tricks I have put into place in our life that provide me with tiny little moments of peace and a sense that I may one day get on top of this mess:

1. Make coffee the night before. The only thing worse that dealing with a hungry, weepy three year old first thing in the morning is doing so without the immediate assistance of coffee. When our old coffee maker broke about six months ago I got one that allowed us to schedule the coffee to start brewing at whatever time we want each morning. It has changed our life.
2. Have a bin for junk mail right next to the front door. I stand right next to ours as I go through the mail, and every envelope that I drop into it makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.
3. Have a special place for your cameras to live so that you can grab them at a moments notice. Whenever a photo op or great video would present itself we used to scramble around the house looking for the cameras. Now we have a basket in the book shelf in our living room - they go right back in the basket when we are finished with them and are almost always right where we expect them to be when the cuteness happens. We keep our camera card reader and other related accessories in the basket too, for consistency sake.
4. Put hooks at the kids level for their coats. We just put ours up last week and we immediately saw an end to Emma dropping her coat on the floor when she walked in the door. She is thrilled to have her own hook, plus she is in the “I want to do it myself!” phase, so it works perfectly.
5. Use bags or boxes for clothes as they don’t fit. I have one of those XXL Ziploc storage bags right next to Will’s changing table and drop clothes into it as he outgrows them. Once he is out of a particular size completely I zip the bag up and store it to be donated or handed-down later.
6. Have a dry erase board in your kitchen. I love love love my dry erase board. I make lists on it, notes, reminders, or even just silly pictures. I put another one at Emma’s height and she loves to doodle on hers too. I highly recommend it.
7. Don’t have pets. It’s too late for us, but I figured I would pass along this little nugget of wisdom in case there are those among you considering getting a pet and starting a family in the next few years. Pick one, doing both is nearly impossible.
8. Don’t blog. Think of all the things I could be doing right now…
9. Figure out what calendar system works for you and use it. I have one calendar that I hand write all of my dates onto, plus I use Google calendar AND iCal. It gets a little confusing at times, but since Google and iCal can sync, it is nice to be able to put things in when I am reading email (Google calendar) or when I am out somewhere (iCal on my iPhone). I am also really visual and like to have it in written form in my kitchen (right next to the dry erase board). FWIW I also just downloaded Intuition - a free organizing app for moms with iPhones (includes grocery lists, to do lists and syncs with Google calendar) and so far it’s a winner.
10. Let go of the angst about getting organized. In the end, having kids (and pets, GAH!) is chaotic, especially when they are young (right? this gets a little easier right?). My biggest tool in finding some happiness in my day to day life is to let go of my angst over the chaos and disorder. A friend once told me that the only thing she regrets when she looks back at the period of time when her kids were little (they are in high school and college now) is that she spent so much time worrying about and making sure her house was clean. Cause no one cared except her really, and it took away from precious moments with her little ones. Obviously we all have our own comfort level with the chaos (no doubt most of you would be horrified at the level of my comfort…) but don’t forget the reason the chaos is there in the first place. Someday my house will be spotless and completely organized, and I will be devastated about it.

So what are your organizing secrets?

Disclosure
This post is part of a blogging contest from the TwitterMoms community. There is a chance this post could be randomly selected to win a $50 Target GiftCard, so wish me luck! For more details, you can view the contest page here (http://icomp.ly/IconApps).

Emma loves weekends.

Every night she asks as she is falling asleep - “Does Daddy stay home tomorrow?” - and 5 out of 7 days we have to tell her “No honey, Daddy has to go to work tomorrow.” On the days we can confirm for her that Daddy will be staying home tomorrow, she gets a light in her eyes and responds with “This day?” to confirm that we mean it is tomorrow that Daddy will be home. We say yes and she falls asleep dreaming of all the fun she will have with Daddy.

Mike and I love weekends too of course, for all the obvious reasons, although I find that I also have my share of mixed feelings about them.

My favorite thing to do on the weekends is to spend time with the family, especially at outdoor events like festivals and farmer’s markets.

My other favorite thing to do is to have a little time to myself.

I also really like to get a little adult time with Mike, going to dinner or a movie maybe?

Oh and my other favorite thing to do is to get the house cleaned up and organized, in a way that I can’t during the week when the kids are underfoot.

I find it pretty tough to balance all of these things in only two days, which means by Sunday night I am almost always cranky about not having enough time to do everything. Usually we spend lots of time together as a family, with maybe a little organizing/cleaning thrown in. This of course means that time to myself and time with Mike are the activities that have to be abandoned. Which seems ok at the time. Except then Monday morning rolls around and I can’t believe I have another five days before any “me” time or “me and mike” time is even a possibility. (Although at least Mike and I make a practice of eating dinner after the kids are in bed, giving us some down time together every day.)

I am glad that Emma is clear about what she wants out of her weekends. I am still working on it.

William is one year old today. It has been possibly the fastest year of my entire life and when I think about what I was doing a year ago today, it seems impossible that it was 12 months ago and not three or four. I find myself more sad at Will’s first birthday than I was at Emma’s, wishing it weren’t going so fast and wanting to slow down the whole process and hold onto every little moment forever.

That however, is not William’s plan. He has some growing up to do. In just the last month he hit two major milestones - walking and talking - and his personality continues to expand and grow and become more layered and exciting every day.

He started walking exactly one week ago. He was coerced into it, but once he got going he went about four steps before launching himself into waiting arms. He was completely thrilled by the whole thing although he has yet to make it a habit. He still finds it easier to crawl where he needs to go, something he can do with lightening speed.

He has three words so far, and they are all a variation on a theme, but he uses them so correctly in context that there is no mistaking what he is saying. His favorite and most often used word is “edda” for, you guessed it, “Emma.” He also says “duh-duh” for “dog” (ok, he uses the same word for cat, but clearly he is using the word to mean “mammal-who-lives-in-the-same-house-as-me-and-drives-mommy-crazy” so that counts right?) The most amazing and wondrous word from him so far though is “gen-toe” for “gentle.” The fact that he knows this word is testament to how often we have to say it to him as he flails and swings and grabs at us. But still, he knows the word, never mind why he learned it.

Speaking of flailing and swinging and grabbing, he seems to have discovered lately that his body, his ENTIRE body, is quite useful as a weapon of mass destruction. He has pretty much totaled Mike’s glasses (contacts are now on the must-have list) and we have learned to be very aware of his head, lest it butt us unintentionally. And wow is he an archer, and I don’t mean the kind that uses arrows. His favorite line of defense, especially when he is being held on his back, is to arch his entire body backwards, a trick which requires the person holding him to clutch him very tightly so he doesn’t end up on the floor. He seems to employ this tactic most often when he sees his crib looming in the distance and he isn’t quite ready to go into it. He has also been known to do it while sitting on the floor, resulting in a shocked look when he realizes that it hurts when his head slams down like that. He doesn’t do that much anymore.

On the flip side, his intense physicality also means he is a big time snuggler, giving lots of hugs and kisses and often resting his head on my shoulder when I hold him.

He has been very sick in the last month with what the doctor said was viral pneumonia with a bacterial overlay. He seems to be recovering nicely though and his birthday party, which was going to be tomorrow and had to be postponed till he kicked the pneumonia, will now be held on April 11.

In the “things to work on” column, Will is still not sleeping through the night. He has slept through the night on several occasions, but does not make a regular practice of it. On a good night he only wakes up once, around 2ish. A bad night includes at least two and sometimes more awakenings, or one awakening that takes two hours or more to get back to sleep. Sleep training is in his near future, although no one in the house is too excited about it. He has shown us that he has quite a temper, and although we don’t see it often, it is the middle of the night when we see it most.

He will eat finger food, as long as it is a carbohydrate. Yeah, I’m not kidding. He will chow on big pieces of toast, waffles, crackers, goldfish etc. but if I put a piece of sweet potato, cheese or banana in front of him he curls up his lip and throws it on the floor. If those same items are pureed, he loves them (well except the cheese, pureed cheese? eww) I had thought he was one of those kids I have heard of with a “texture” issue, but his ability to manage the carbs belies that theory. So for the time being he will continue to get his fruits and veggies via a spoon, and we will keep trying…

He is starting to show signs of separation anxiety, preferring me over anyone and burying his face in my neck and smiling if someone new says hi to him. He continues to be a big flirt though and flashes his (5 with three more on the way) pearly whites whenever he has the chance.

Despite the diabolical temper we see from him at 3 A.M. (oh and during diaper changes, he takes those personally), his personality during the day is almost completely delightful. He loves to laugh and smile and he will repeatedly turn and look at us with a great big grin on his face as he explores his world and discovers new things. He is filled with joy and as a result fills the rest of us with joy day after day.

Happy Birthday little one. We love you.

Update: At William’s one year checkup today, he measured in at 21 lbs. 7 oz., 29 1/2 inches long and an 18″ head circumference. That’s pretty much 50th percentile for everything according to the doc (except for weight, which might be slightly below average, although he has been sick. As soon as he starts that toddler weightlifting program we have him signed up for he should start bulking up pretty fast.)

Here is my dilemna - my daughter adores the children’s show “Caillou”. I do not.

It isn’t that Caillou doesn’t have some redeeming qualities. He is a big brother, helpful for teaching Emma lessons about having younger siblings. His parents are less than perfect - I completely love that they are slightly paunchy and definitely over 30. He has lots of multicultural friends and even a close friend named Emma. I mean c’mon, he’s even Canadian - what’s not to love about that?

Here’s my issue: Caillou giggles. A lot. As in makes-me-want-to-throw-my-television-through-the-window a lot. And the problem is that Emma can now do a dead-on impersonation of Caillou’s giggle, making me want to throw HER through the window. It is this unbelievably high pitched “hee hee hee hee” kind of a thing that you can’t even imagine could be so annoying until you hear it. Over and over and over. Even Emma’s preschool teacher has remarked that Emma seems to be doing a “giggling thing” lately.

Other issues I have with the show - Caillou is a whiner and his sister talks in baby talk. The whining - ugh - is something anyone with a 3ish year old child will tell you is a constant battle, so thanks Caillou but we really don’t need YOU to reinforce that it is cool to whine for everything.

And his sister Rosie is voiced by a grown up talking in baby talk: “Rosie want milk” “Rosie no like sleep” and on and on and on. Maybe it is because she is relating to the female character, or maybe it is because she is feeling some ambivalence about being a big girl now instead of a baby (developmentally appropriate mind you, but oh so annoying) but Emma now talks in baby talk constantly. I talked recently with the mother of a classmate of Emma’s - a boy who also has a baby sibling - and she said her son talks in baby talk all the time too. So it may be that Emma would be talking in baby talk at this point in her life anyway, but certainly the prevalence of it on her favorite tv show can’t be helping it. I choose to blame Caillou.

As a result of the above issues, Caillou is about to be banned at our house. I am not sure how we are going to do it, short of just telling her “it isn’t on”, and in the end it may not work. But we are going to do our darndest.

We just can’t take it anymore.

Emma and Will playing together. It was sheer luck that I turned around at the very moment they were playing and even better luck that the Flip camera was within arm’s reach.

I am hoping that moments like this will outweigh moments like the one tonight where Emma sat on her brother and earned a time out in the process. Didn’t get that one on video. Sorry.