Emma had her 15 month checkup last week. As part of it, she received her scheduled vaccines - measles/mumps/rubella (MMR), chicken pox (Varicella) and something else I can’t remember, diptheria/pertussis/tetanus (DTap) maybe? In any case, it was a nice little cocktail of shots she got.

We were told when she got the shots that she might have a fever that night and in 10 days could break out in a rash (the measles) all over her body and in 2 weeks to a month could show signs of chicken pox. The doctor assured me she would not be contagious and that it was nothing to worry about. Because she has never had much of a reaction to her shots in the past, I just nodded and was thinking more about how we were going to calm her after the actual shots were administered than what would be happening 10 days to a month down the road.

Well, needless to say it has been a rough 10 days for Emma. Within 24 hours of getting the shots she threw up twice and spent the next week fussy, needy and clingy. I chalked the fussiness up to the fact that her dad was gone, but then yesterday she started feeling warm and looking completely miserable. Last night when we put her to bed she had a fever of 103.2. When the Tylenol wore off at 3:30 AM I took her temp again and it was 103.6. She woke up this morning (two hours later than normal) feeling much better it seemed and was happier than I have seen her since before her fateful visit to the doctor. She had a fever again tonight - 102.3 - but overall she seems to be recovering and it is so nice to have my happy, non-fussy daughter back.

It has been so hard to witness her feeling so bad. She has never had a fever as high as she did last night and even though I knew the source of it, it still terrified me. I felt such relief this morning to hear her laughing and talking in her crib when she woke up. It made me wonder how I will handle it when, someday, she gets a fever even higher, and I don’t know why.

The whole episode gets me thinking again about the concept of vaccines. I think we have made the right choice to get her vaccinated but there is something about the idea of introducing the measles or chicken pox bugs into her tiny little system that makes me feel uneasy when I think about it too long. I just keep reminding myself that as bad as the measles vaccine is, the full-blown virus would be worse.

Dealing with the aftermath of the vaccines has also made me think about moms and dads whose kids are truly sick with serious or life threatening illnesses. How do those parents pull themselves together and provide strength, love and encouragement to their kids while struggling with feelings of helplessness that must be hundreds of times greater than I felt last night.

It makes me so grateful she is healthy - most of the time.

Update: Via Jabberjaw: I found this transcription of a presentation by Dr. Sears on vaccinations. Seems to be very comprehensive and logical. Also would probably have talked me out of MMR if I had read it before Emma had the shot. Hmph.