Emma and her teeth are NOT getting along.

Back when she was a wee thing at about 4 months she started producing so much drool that we considered building a small dam as protection for those of us who had to live with her. Around the same time she had moments where she was less than cheery and would grab her mouth while screaming. “Oh, she’s teething” we said.

Then once, at about six months, she screamed for two hours straight. A bloodcurdling scream that was accompanied by frantic pulling at her mouth. Around the same time she had a terrible diaper rash. “Oh, oh, NOW she’s teething” we said.

For the last few nights, she has woken up whimpering. The whimper eventually develops into a full blown cry, requiring parental intervention, and usually a hearty dose of tylenol. “Here we go, now she is REALLY teething” we have said.

Back when she was four or five months old and I talked to the pediatrician about the whole teething thing, I was told “Nope, research says they only feel pain from teeth for a few hours, when the tooth is actually erupting.” Uh huh.

So here is what I know about teeth, teething and my daughter:

  • I hate teeth. I have always hated teeth. I had 16 of mine extracted when I was a kid and ever since have avoided the dentist like the plague. Just thinking about it makes my jaw twitch. (please no lectures about the importance of the dentist…yadda yadda yadda. I go, I go, but there is not much else in my life I hate more. Except George Bush.)
  • The impending appearance of her mandibular central incisors has been causing Emma huge amounts of pain. The pain hasn’t been for a few hours, it has been for a few months. There is no study in the world that could make me think otherwise. I know my daughter and I know that for about 6 months now she has battled an evil worse than Frodo and Sam ever faced.
  • All kids are different. I once spent the afternoon with a friend and her 8 month old twins who were perfectly delightful and unfussy. She wrote me that night to say that one of the twins “got her first tooth” when they got home. At the time I was still in the “All kids are the same” stage and thought that I was making up the things I was seeing her do. Now that I am getting to know her a little better, I can say with confidence that she was and is, in PAIN.

I don’t know when these suckers are going to make an appearance. Once they do, I can only hope that the ones that come after are less painful. Otherwise it’s going to be a long few years.