Emma has started sleeping through the night with more regularity lately. Unfortunately I have not. For the last couple of weeks I have been waking up several times a night in a panic, convinced that we are rolling on her or we are about to kick her off the bed or because I can’t find her at all.

Let me first say that I can’t find her because Emma is not in bed with us. She has not been in bed with us in months. One night I wrenched a pillow out of a very confused Mike’s arms, convinced that he was squeezing the life out of her. To his credit he was very nice about the whole thing. He reminded me nicely that Emma was not in bed with us and rolled over and went back to sleep.

I have become accustomed to my night-wakenings and understand that I am just working out any anxiety I am feeling about being a new mom. Fine. Now that Emma is sleeping through the night it would be great if I could get a full night’s sleep every once in a while, but whatever, this parenting thing is pretty huge, so I guess it stands to reason that there are some things my poor little brain has to figure out. And my days are pretty full, so I guess it also makes sense that my poor little brain chooses the quiet of the night to figure it all out.

A couple of nights ago, however, my little brain took it to a whole new level. I had a dream that I got Emma out of her crib and brought her into bed with us and in the dream I said to myself, “Now Jen, this is for real. Tonight Emma really is in bed with us, so be careful and don’t think you are dreaming.” Of course, Emma was definitely not in bed with us. How messed up is that? My head is playing mind games on itself?? When I woke up it took me twice as long as usual to convince myself that Emma was actually asleep in her crib.

Now I’m bracing for where my head will go next. I sure will be happy when I have this parenting thing down and I can stop worrying about it.