March 2007

Another Monday at work. I took Emma to my mom’s and the tears flowed. Mine, not hers. I am sure someday, maybe soon, I will be very grateful to have a big chunk of time to myself, but I am just not there yet. I haven’t been away from Emma for more than an hour or so since she was born, so the idea of leaving her for ten hours made my heart hurt. Luckily I was slammed at work, so the day went by very fast. It made it easier to know a) that Emma was being taken care of by her doting Gama and b) that I only have to leave her once a week. I can’t imagine how gut wrenching it would be to do this every day.

Today was my first official day back at work. When I was preparing to have Emma I had every intention of returning to work full time. After I had her Mike and I realized how difficult it would be to leave her at 3 or 4 months to return to work (not to mention how expensive). I did a little brainstorming and realized (or hoped) that a lot of my job could be done from home. I went to my boss with the proposal that I come to the office one day a week and work from home the rest of the time so I could be with Emma. My boss, and Adoptions Together, were completely open to my proposal and have been amazingly flexible, even letting me bring Emma with me until she gets a little older.

The whole thing has made me feel like I am in control of my life in a way I have never felt before. I have decided what I need out of my life for me and my family, and I have made it happen. To be fair, it wouldn’t have happened without Mike being willing and able to work full-time or without Adoptions Together being flexible and open to trying something new. But it is nice to feel like we as a family are writing our own rules and living our life the way we want to.

Emma was a champ today at work. Slept all morning during meetings and mostly entertained herself in the afternoon. Still, I think I will begin taking advantage of the childcare I have lined up for Mondays – thanks mom! – starting next week. Both of us get the short end of the stick when she comes with me – I don’t do my job particularly well, and she doesn’t get the mom time she deserves – all of which stresses me out.

Someone asked me today what was the longest period of time I have been away from her, and I realized that really I haven’t been separated from her longer than an hour or two since she was born. It will probably feel like losing a limb when I leave her next week, and no doubt I will cry the whole way to work. She will adapt to the new situation like a pro I am sure.

You know how when you were little you couldn’t wait for Christmas? And then on Christmas morning you woke up and were a little groggy until it suddenly hit you that it was Christmas and you felt a warm happy feeling inside? That is how I feel every morning now that Emma is here. There is always a split second when I first wake up where I almost seem to forget I have a daughter, and then I remember and I roll over and there she is and I feel all warm and happy inside.

Emma rolled over for the first time last Friday! I was in my mommy group and I was reaching over her to grab a muffin and I looked down and she had plopped over onto her tummy. It is amazing to watch her learn how to do things that as bigger people we take for granted. She is also starting to reach for items that especially interest her – like her duck toy or a button on my shirt, or more problematically my necklace or my hair. She is an amazing little person.

We got a new camera, the very popular Canon EOS Digital Rebel. It takes great pictures with little or no help from me. The ultimate point-and-shoot.

Oh and I just found out that a friend of mine from high school is running for D.C. Board of Education in District 2. Sekou Biddle is a great guy and I strongly encourage any of you who live in Ward 3 or 4 to vote for him on May 1.